Madame Poofa's Infallible Charm for Love
Lovelorn wanderer, come this way!
Your lucky stars are bright today.
Cease your weeping, dry your eyes.
No more bosom-heaving sighs.
Is your true love blind as a fool?
Then this love charm is for you!
To guarantee your love's attention,
try this little intervention.
Find a bridge that spans a river.
A wooden bridge is all the better.
Go at midnight, when all is still.
Wear white. Walk backwards to the middle.
At bridge's center, drop two stones:
one your love's and one your own.
Write your names on scraps of paper.
Devour one; save one for later.
Hold your breath and count to ten.
Let it out, then count again.
Lie down faceup, feet facing south.
Put your left hand over your mouth.
Raise your right leg in the air--
on your foot, balance a pear.
Stay this way for seven minutes.
Then kick the pear into the river.
Stand up. Prepare a peacock feather:
tie 'round it three strips of brand-new leather
each cut the length of your forearm.
(You're nearly done--finish the charm!)
With feather's end, tickle your nose.
If you sneeze, into the river it goes.
If you don't, to your pocket return it.
At sunrise, take it out and burn it.
For now, jump up and down three times.
Thank the river for its time.
Run with all your might and towards land.
Don't look down and don't look back.
If you find this ineffective,
remember that love can be subjective
to each lover's wants and needs...
in other words, no guarantees
from women in scarves with crystal balls
control what will or won't befall.
The lesson here is very plain:
child, learn to use your brain.
Wise Madame Poofa now suggests:
give your search for love a rest.
You can't rush it, so why worry?
Love will find you when it's ready.
Lovelorn wanderer, come this way!
Your lucky stars are bright today.
Cease your weeping, dry your eyes.
No more bosom-heaving sighs.
Is your true love blind as a fool?
Then this love charm is for you!
To guarantee your love's attention,
try this little intervention.
Find a bridge that spans a river.
A wooden bridge is all the better.
Go at midnight, when all is still.
Wear white. Walk backwards to the middle.
At bridge's center, drop two stones:
one your love's and one your own.
Write your names on scraps of paper.
Devour one; save one for later.
Hold your breath and count to ten.
Let it out, then count again.
Lie down faceup, feet facing south.
Put your left hand over your mouth.
Raise your right leg in the air--
on your foot, balance a pear.
Stay this way for seven minutes.
Then kick the pear into the river.
Stand up. Prepare a peacock feather:
tie 'round it three strips of brand-new leather
each cut the length of your forearm.
(You're nearly done--finish the charm!)
With feather's end, tickle your nose.
If you sneeze, into the river it goes.
If you don't, to your pocket return it.
At sunrise, take it out and burn it.
For now, jump up and down three times.
Thank the river for its time.
Run with all your might and towards land.
Don't look down and don't look back.
If you find this ineffective,
remember that love can be subjective
to each lover's wants and needs...
in other words, no guarantees
from women in scarves with crystal balls
control what will or won't befall.
The lesson here is very plain:
child, learn to use your brain.
Wise Madame Poofa now suggests:
give your search for love a rest.
You can't rush it, so why worry?
Love will find you when it's ready.
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